Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
