Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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