Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
