Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
