will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
