One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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