i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
