You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
