I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
