I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
