remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
farters have to be the big spoon...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina is officially offended.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
