Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
