My nipple is on Facebook.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
