you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
