I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
