I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
