She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
