you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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