Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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