how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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