my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just pee around me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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