If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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