Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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