The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
