i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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