Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
