I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize