I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i drank out of a bidet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
