She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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