my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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