Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
