did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
