The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
