i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
