Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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