sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
