I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
