I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
