I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
