that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
