Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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