Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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