the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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