They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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