it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
