Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
