This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
