how can u be prego again
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize