We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
