Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
