I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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