I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
