On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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