just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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