remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
