That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
