I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
