Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
