I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
