I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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