she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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