He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
