I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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