I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
