how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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