I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
