My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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