mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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