I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
