He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize