I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize