what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
