my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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