I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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