The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
