the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
