I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
