I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize